Writing Tea
Be careful what you wish for.
I am very busy. But I asked for this. I asked for blessings. I asked for work. I asked for it in abundance. I should be grateful, right? My 45th birthday is coming up and I have a lot to be thankful for. My therapist says not to forget self-care. but…
Ha! During editing season? Chile, please. I’ll be lucky if i get a bottle of rose’ and some crab legs let alone actively engaging in self-care. That’s gonna be a luxury.
Anyway, I am in the thick of editing Losing Sight. Also waiting on edits to come back for The Offer. Speaking of which, we have some news regarding The Secret Series
The Oath is dropping on audiobook May 14. You can already preorder it everywhere just about.
The great Lacy Laurel will narrate it. So excited. To hear a snippet, head over to her TikTok where she read a bit for the Femme Audio Takeover.
At the time of this newsletter, we are anticipating a date change. The Offer, book 2, will have a simultaneous release (fingers crossed) on either July 30 or August 6.. Audio, Kindle, Paperback….
The Opportunity, book 3 is its infancy. But.. it’ll be done by end of year (or summer if I can help it. But I will not push it.)
I am also trying to write a second book, following a secondary character from Losing Sight. About 3 chapters in for that. It’s enemies to lovers with a huge secret between them that may or may not change things.
Wish me luck on all things and that I end this editing season with my eyebrows and hair intact. I may be bald. :)
Podcast Tea
The Podcast is heading into heading into spring. Only a few more episodes to go before we wrap it all up in June. I am actually looking forward to the break. Yakini and I are so excited for Bridgerton to start back. At first, we were ambivalent, but now we are pretty excited. We definitely will be discussing it.
In the meantime, stay tuned for the the rest of the season’s podcast. Every other Friday!
Tati is Reading
Besides the Beverly Jenkins re-read, I managed to get one other book under my belt. I read Eden Appiah-Kubi’s Her Own Happiness. She will be a guest on the podcast. This book was gorgeous. I can’t wait to talk to her about Mya, Ant, asexuality and falling in love.
*** EXCLUSIVE: The Oath Prologue Bonus Chapter***
I know this is what you all came for LOL. This chapter was supposed to be part of The Oath but I scrapped it. I thought it best to start with Frankie’s death versus the things leading up to the actual “oath.” But folks have asked so many questions about Frankie and why he’d ask his best friends to do this for his wife. Well…. Read on and find out.
Franklin silently watched as his beautiful wife Tatum moved around his makeshift hospice room in silence. This had once been their son, Morgan’s playroom. He’d painted it a gorgeous grayish blue when Tatum was about eight months pregnant. Tatum made pregnancy look so easy and carefree. She glowed like the sun. Frankie knew that was because Morgan was a manifestation of their love. Morgan. How old was he now? 20? 21? He couldn’t remember the last time he saw his son. When was that? A week ago? A month ago? Time wasn’t making sense anymore.
Tatum sat on the end of the bed and slipped the blanket to the side. She took off Frankie’s hospital grippy socks and began rubbing his dry skin with ointment. Franklin sighed, wishing that Tatum realized this was for nothing. His skin still would be raw and thin as tissue paper. He watched as her hands moved up and down, slowly and gently. Her hair was falling slightly in her face and her cleavage was showing. He could peer down into her shirt from this angle, her full breasts still supple. Those breasts had nursed their son lovingly over twenty years ago. She was still so beautiful. His cocoa goddess. Frankie closed his eyes and thought about the last time they made love. She rode him for what seemed like hours. Every part of their bodies and sheets became soaked. He’d sucked her nipples until they were painfully hard, swollen and dark. He’d made her moan his name until she was hoarse. He’d fucked Tatum in every single wet, willing hole in her body and she let him. He fucked her like it was the last time he’d ever felt genuine pleasure.
Because it was.
When his machine beeped, Frankie’s fantasy was over. All the machines, all the wiring, it drove Franklin insane. Just once, he wanted to breathe without the oxygen. Just once, he wanted to take his wife in his arms and kiss her until she was the breathless one. He wanted to stop being poked and prodded by home health aides and nurses. He didn’t want to get his nutrition through tubes. He was tired of being asked how he felt. He felt like shit. And everyone knew that. Most of all, he wanted his wife back, not the shell of the woman she’d become these past years.
Tatum finished her daily ritual of straightening out the blankets. “Do you need anything, Frankie?”
Frankie shook his head. “No, beautiful. Morgan? How is he?”
Tatum smiled. “You saw him yesterday, remember?”
“Oh. Yeah. Right.” Frankie remembered. He commented he was looking in a mirror as he took inventory of his son’s face. “He’s a man now.”
“That is he is.” She looked down at her buzzing phone. “The fellas will be here in a few to watch the game with you. Sure you need nothing?”
Franklin gave Tatum a sly smile. “What I want, I can’t give to you right now. But fuck… I want to.” He could see Tatum’s cheeks heat with a knowing flush. He absolutely loved making her deep brown skin burn with desire. His tongue darted out of his lips as he licked. What he wouldn’t give to have a taste of her again.
“Frankie, stop!” Tatum playfully swatted at him. “Get your rest, baby.”
Tatum leaned down and kissed his forehead. As she did, Franklin reached up, holding on to her waist. He stroked his thumb against her side, lifting her shirt and inhaling her familiar scent of Tom Ford. With some strength, he lifted his head, gently kissed her navel. Frankie smiled against her skin, satisfied. He could still make her shiver.
“Frankie?” Tatum spoke with concern in her voice. She put her hands on his now bald head. “Honey? What is it?”
“I just… wanted...to…” A violent cough interrupted Franklin’s thoughts, his rib cage aching and the air cutting through his body like a hot poker. Tatum wrenched out of his grasp and grabbed the oxygen cannula to put back around his nose. Frankie shook his head, tears forming in his eyes. He felt defeated.
Tatum rubbed Franklin’s cheek. “I know, sweetheart. I know…”
The ring alert for the doorbell echoed in the room. Tatum straightened out her t-shirt as she looked at the app on her phone. Pressing a button, she answered. “Come on in, ya’ll. The door is open.”
Frankie could hear the distinct footsteps of his three best friends, Miles, Deacon and Cassidy. He heard Miles’ voice first, greeting Tatum and asking how he was doing. “Like shit,” he thought as he rolled his eyes. He could smell something, he wasn’t sure what it was. Wings? Pizza? It didn’t matter because he couldn’t eat it, anyway. He barely could keep down an Ensure, hence the feeding tube going into his stomach.
The three men filed in, carrying folding chairs. Franklin watched as they all unfolded their chairs, and one by one, came over to hug him or give him a dap.
“What’s good, Frankie?” said Cassidy.
“You know, dying little by little,” replied Frankie. “Not dead yet, so you can’t get my golf clubs, Miles.”
Deacon sighed. “Why do you have to be so morbid, dude?”
“Because it’s the truth.” shrugged Franklin. “Besides, I should be able to joke about my mortality. It’s my life.”
Miles frowned. “Doesn’t mean we wanna hear it.” He turned on the television to the NCAA tournament. “Who y'all got in the tourney? I think Maryland is going to the Sweet 16.”
“Stanford’s got it,” said Cassidy, as if it was gospel.
“You’re just saying that shit cause that’s your alma mater, or so you say,” teased Deacon. They always fucked with Cassidy. They knew, despite his rough exterior, he was smart as hell. What did he do? Physics? Aerospace? Franklin could never remember.
Cassidy snorted. “You sound jealous, my nigga. You wanna make a bet?”
Deacon pulled out some cash. “Hell yeah, $300 that Duke wins it all.”
Miles shook his head. “Just like on the court, this isn’t gonna end well.”
“Dookie?” laughed Cassidy. “Fine. I’ll take that bet. Stanford is going to win.”
Franklin shook his head, laughing as he turned his attention to Miles. “How’s the firm?”
“Falling apart without you.” Miles knew that was what Frankie wanted to hear and didn’t mind stroking his ego. It was what his best friend needed.
Franklin coughed a bit as he laughed. “You’re a terrible fucking liar. I know you and Deek are holding it down.”
“We are,” confirmed Deacon. “But shit ain’t the same without you. You know that. Miles had to go off on that asshole Ramsey Covington because he threatened to seek representation elsewhere. Miles isn’t as good at sweet talking as you are.”
“Hey man!,” Miles countered. “I kiss ass when necessary. And Ramsey wasn’t worth it .”
“Ramsey’s portfolio is like $400 million. Definitely worth ass kissing,” admonished Franklin.
“I mean, I did it. Doesn't mean I liked it.” shrugged Miles.
Deacon laughed. “I will say with you being gone, Frankie, the paralegals are actually doing their job. Since you aren’t there to harass them.”
Franklin rolled his eyes. “I am sorry if I am thorough.” The running joke amongst his partners at the law firm was that he never let the paralegals do their job. He was so aggravating with his attention to detail.
There was a gentle rap on the door. Tatum entered with a few beers on a tray. Franklin watched as all three sets of eyes watched her intently as she placed them down on a small table near the bed. Tatum always had that effect on men, as if she was the center of the universe whenever she entered a room. It was like that every time she was around them. You would think they would hide their admiration, but the fellas blatantly let their eyes roam. Frankie didn’t mind. Hell, he got off on the idea that men found his woman attractive and wanted to fuck her. He didn’t get off on the idea of being cuckolded but knowing he had the woman they desired turned him on. So, sharing her with her consent was fine with him. In healthier days, he’d brought up the idea of a threesome with Tate. Morgan was out of the house and they were going to truly celebrate being empty nesters. She’d been more than willing, it too being one of her own fantasies. But then he got sick. It never happened. God, he would have loved to see how she’d take dick other than his own. Would she have enjoyed being filled simultaneously? Would her body react with another man the way it did with him? Oh well…
So many unfilled fantasies were dying along with him.
Tatum nibbled at her bottom lip like she did when she was nervous. “Hey ya’ll. I found these beers in the fridge in the garage from the last time you were here. I thought maybe you’d like something to wash the wings down with.” Frankie looked around. There was already beer on the opposite side of Deacon. It was clear as day that Tatum was trying to make herself useful, keeping herself close in case something happened. Frankie sighed. His poor wife didn’t know the meaning of rest. Be still, my love. No use in fussing over me..
Miles nodded. “Thanks T.”
“We appreciate it,” added Deacon. “We got it.”
Cassidy simply nodded. Frankie knew Cass was far from shy, especially with women, but he hardly spoke when he was around Tatum. Frankie had to smile. Cassidy was smitten. Had been that way for years now. Frankie found it downright adorable that his wife rendered this hulking man speechless. He was sure the feeling was mutual. He’d caught her a time or two, letting her eyes roam. Given the way Tatum looked at Cassidy, Frankie was sure she’d fantasized about his friend. She was married, not dead. And Cassidy was a good looking brother. No harm in that. Cass was actually the first person Frankie thought of for that threesome that never happened.
Tatum paced as she ran down a list for them.. “Ok. I took more paper plates out. They are on the counter. Frankie’s pain meds are in that side drawer if he needs them. The water cooler is in the corner if he runs out. And…”
“Tate,” Miles stopped her rambling as he took her hand with a gentle squeeze. “We got it. You go chill. If Frankie needs anything, we can handle it.”
Franklin watched the way Miles’s thumb gently grazed Tatum’s knuckles. Funny. I used to do that to calm her down, too. Well, that and eating her pussy. Eventually, after a few awkward moments, Miles let her hand go. Miles looked up at Frankie, a little embarrassed by his actions. Frankie gave a slight smile. He had no reason to be. He could tell that Tatum liked his touches, too. She instantly relaxed.
Tatum looked between them and then at Franklin, reluctant to leave. “Are you sure?”
Franklin nodded. “Go on, baby. Take a nap. Read a book. The fellas and I will be alright..”
“Ok.” Tatum slowly closed the French doors and headed out down the hallway.
“You’ve got a good woman, Frankie,” remarked Cass.
Frankie nodded with a smile.. “The best.”
“Amen,” said Miles with a smile.
Eventually, the four of them eased into casual conversation while watching the basketball game. Franklin said little as he watched them talk shit in between their bites of food and sips of beer. Yet his mind wandered to his Tatum and their conversations. His own thoughts about pleasing her. Even though she claimed to be alright, she wasn’t.
“She’s so lonely,” said Franklin to himself, voice barely above a whisper. He was sure no one heard him. But all three of the guys turned and looked at him.
“Who? Tatum?” asked Deacon “She’s not alone. She has us, her friends…”
“Right,” said Miles. “We’ll always be there for her.”
Franklin shook his head. “That isn’t what I said. I said she’s lonely. It’s been over a year since I touched her. I crave her every single day and I can’t do anything…” Franklin took some deep breaths, trying to slow himself down. “I’m not a man. I’m useless. If you all would just help me… help her..”
It was a conversation they’d had before. Frankie asking, no, begging his friends to step in for him physically. But time and time again, they’d refused. They claimed to have so much respect for his marriage. But Franklin knew deep down, that wasn’t what it was. They felt caught, guilty that Franklin could see right through their lust for his wife. Maybe this time, with time running out, they’d change their minds.
The room went quiet except for the sound of Franklin’s machine and the television. Stone-faced, Miles swallowed the last bite of his pizza.
“I told her to go have fun,” continued Frankie. “Take care of that need. But she won’t. Like I told ya’ll, it’s not cheating, but she might not see it that way. Maybe I’ll ask her to visit Secrets like we used to. Maybe she’d find someone and.…”
“Hold on,” interrupted Cassidy. “Why would you tell her to go to that place? That ain’t the move, Frankie.”
“Frankie, you aren’t thinking straight,” chided Deacon. “That’s not a place to go during grief.”
“Grief? I’m not dead yet and neither is she. That’s the point.”
Deacon threw up his hands. “Fine. Then she shouldn’t go if you ain’t even dead yet.”
“I agree,” said Miles. “This is a foolish idea, Frankie. Why’d you put that in her head?”
“Well, she’s going,” said Franklin. “I know my wife. If I ask her to do something, she will.”
Cassidy swallowed the last of his beer, slamming the bottle down. “Nah, dude. She can’t go there. Years out of the game and you sending her to the wolves? “
Franklin pressed the button on his bed to sit up. “Then tell me what she should do? I know my wife. I know what she needs. What she desires.”
“What Tatum needs is time. Give her some time to process all of this,” suggested Miles. “But don’t push her toward strangers…”
“Fine,” interrupted Franklin. “Then all of you handle it.”
It made perfect sense, thought Franklin. Say yes, please say yes.
Deacon let out an uncomfortable laugh. “This again? I swear, the meds are getting to you.”
“I’m not a fool,” Franklin was wheezing between breaths. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to steady himself. “I see the way you look at her. All three of you.”
Cassidy, Miles, and Deacon exchanged glances, as if someone had caught them red-handed, sneaking into the cookie jar.
Franklin waved his frail hand. “Cassidy, you get tongue tied around her. You can’t say a word. You just stare. Since the first time you came to dinner. When we all went to Bermuda, I saw how you looked at her in that bikini. You ignored the chick you brought with you.”
Cassidy’s mouth parted. “Well, I can’t lie. Tatum’ stunning. And I am human. Imma look, dawg. But she’s your wife. I’d never...”
Deacon shook his head at Cassidy. “Cass, you aren’t really helping right now.”
“And you, Deacon.”, continued Frankie. “Way back at the L1 party, you saw her first. If I hadn’t put the moves on her, said she was going to be my wife. Maybe you’d already be with her.”
Deacon was about to say something, but Frankie held up his hand. “To make matters worse, you’re in love with both of my best friends and you’re too pig-headed to see it. I remember y’all in the law library.”
Cassidy raised a brow at Deacon and Miles. Miles shrugged apologetically. “It’s complicated. We’ll explain later.”
Deacon clamped his mouth shut as he looked at Miles. He turned his attention back to Frankie, staring incredulously. “C’mon now, Frankie. Me and Miles…”
“Are idiots,” laughed Frankie, hoarsely. “And Miles, my god. That night at the L1 party, Tatum was all you could talk about. You were gone from the start. I know I married her, but I think you hated me for it. You’re my best friend, but I could tell you hated me.”
Miles’ eyes widened. “I could never hate you, Frankie. The best man got the girl. Period.”
Frankie didn’t believe him. “She would have been happy with either of us. But when you and Paula didn’t work out, it crushed you, man. I saw how you poured yourself into our friendship. Into being there for Morgan. For Tatum. You know how to treat her because you’ve studied her. Even now, you do little things I’d do. God, you even touch her the way she likes. I’ve seen it.”
“What are you saying, Frankie?”
Frankie took a deep breath and sighed. “I’m saying you’ve been in love with my wife for a damn near quarter of a century and I’m giving you permission to love her.” He turned to Deacon. “You too, Deek. Promise me you’ll be there for Tate. Whatever she needs. Whatever.”
Miles and Deacon were too stunned to speak.
Cassidy finally spoke up. “Listen, maybe this is a thing between the three of ya’ll. I can bounce.” He left his seat, but Franklin shook his head.
“Sit,” ordered Franklin. “You’re in love with her, too. I see it every time she walks in the room. You look at her as if she’s the moon and the stars. Given your job, that makes sense.”
“You might be right.”
“Also, you can’t hide your hard on, dude,” said Deacon. “Impressive.”
“Why are you looking at my dick?” asked Cassidy. “You got problems.”
“Don’t take it personally. He looks at everyone’s dick. I guess he’s trying to see how he measures up,” said Miles, giving Deacon a knowing smirk.
“It’s true,” said Deacon. “I’m man enough to admit it.”
“You’re weird.” laughed Cassidy as he opened another beer.
“Can’t lie, I noticed too,” confessed Franklin. “You got a baby arm in there. On second thought, maybe Tatum doesn’t need all of that.”
After a few beats, all four of them were laughing until tears were in their eyes. Franklin had to stop and signal for some water.
Deacon jumped up and filled his bottle from the water cooler. He adjusted the straw in Franklin’s mouth. “You good man?”
Frankie nodded after a few sips. “All good. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. I needed it.” Frankie turned his body toward his friends. “So, what do you all say? Will you promise to take care of my Tate when I’m gone? Like you all said, she doesn’t need strangers. You are my best friends, in each one of you I see little pieces of me. Miles, you’re kind. Tender. Always have been. Deacon, you make her laugh. Cass, you’re passionate about everything. You’re truly the best men for the job. I know it’s a lot to ask. It’s just… I trust you with my whole heart. Tatum is my heart. If you say no, I won’t ask again.. I promise.”
They sat in silence for several minutes before Miles asked, “All three of us? Or just one of us?” , gesturing between the men.
Frankie had to laugh. Miles was being slightly territorial, but that made sense, given his love for Tatum. He shrugged. “Whatever arrangement you make is on you. I’ll be dead. Besides, Tatum may like that. Let her have choices for once in her life.”
Deacon raised a brow. “Is this even giving her a choice?”
Frankie nodded. “She has a right to say no. But I wouldn’t want her to. Or you all, for that matter.”
Cassidy frowned, confused. “What does that even mean? Also, when you talk about death, I can’t deal with it, man.” Franklin wasn’t sure, but it looked as if Cassidy had tears in his eyes. He’d never seen him or any of his boys cry. He didn’t want this to be a sad conversation about his wishes.
“It’s the truth. I will be dead soon.” Frankie smiled softly. “Tate and I had fantasies. Things we wanted to do that we never got around to doing. Maybe you all will do that for her.”
“I don’t know. What if she doesn’t believe us? This sounds crazy as hell, this oath you want us to take.” Deacon pinched the bridge of his nose.
Cassidy agreed. “That’s true. She may just be thinking we are trying to be out of pocket and just trying to take advantage of the situation. If I was in her shoes, I know I’d be thinking the same thing.”
Frankie sighed. “That’s true, bro.”
Miles rubbed his head. “I’d never take advantage of Tatum.”. He turned toward Franklin, placing a hand on his shoulder. “You’re right. I love her. I always have. Fuck, I’d do anything for her.”
“I know. Like I said, best man for the job.”
Running a hand through his graying curls, Deacon sighed. “She’s going to think this is about ass. I mean, it’s not only about ass. I love Tatum, too. I’d move heaven and earth for her. But, admit it, this is slightly insane, Frankie. Would she even go for this?”
They were right. There was no way Tatum would believe such an arrangement if it didn’t come from him directly. Franklin pointed toward his friends. “One of you, pull up the voice notes thingy.”
Miles pulled out his phone, opening the app. “I got it.”
“Good”, Franklin took another sip of water and motioned toward Miles. “Press record. I need to explain this to my angel. Talk to her one last time.”
With that, Franklin took as deep a breath as he could and spoke.
Until next time,
